


In Memoriam

by Psyche or like scope (Daiya_Darko)



Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:18:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daiya_Darko/pseuds/Psyche%20or%20like%20scope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things aren't always as they seem, but it doesn't make them hurt less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Memoriam

After the last shots are fired and the last words are spoken, Jensen quickly shuffles out of the memorial service, ignoring the questioning glares of soldiers and family alike. He catches the stare of a small, wrinkled Mexican woman and almost chokes on his guilt.

 _This isn’t your fault,_ he tells himself. _Clay made the call._

_But you could have ignored him!_

_A good soldier doesn’t question orders._

Jensen slams the restroom door open and locks himself into a stall. All at once, his stony façade crumbles at his feet as he sits on the floor and sobs openly. He runs a shaking hand through his hair as he struggles to catch his breath, but he can’t calm down.

Cougar wasn’t supposed to die like that. He wasn’t supposed to be left for dead, betrayed by his unit. Jensen was supposed to go after him, no matter what.

“Jensen?” a low voice calls from the door, and Jensen can’t even bring himself to stand. He unlatches the stall door and is met with Clay’s exasperated, and worn face.

“Jake,” Clay says softly before crouching to Jensen’s level. “You don’t have to mourn alone. That’s why we’re at a funeral.”

Jensen shakes his head and roughly wipes his face with the back of his hand. God, he feels like such a child sitting here on the bathroom floor crying. What would Cougar think?

“We shouldn’t be here, Clay,” Jensen mumbles, and Clay produces a handkerchief from his pocket. He wipes at Jensen’s eyes a little, before Jensen just snatches the cloth from him. “I can take care of myself, Colonel.”

Clay snorts and says, “I’m sure you can, but right now, you’re not letting anyone help you take care of yourself.”

“Yeah well, maybe I don’t want help from someone who let Cougar die!” Jensen snaps, and Clay visibly flinches. Jensen rolls his eyes and stands, shoving the handkerchief into Clay’s hands.

“You need to understand why I made that call, Jake – "

“Jensen is fine.”

Clay’s hurt is apparent, but he continues, “At the time, I couldn’t divulge this information, but it’s been a few weeks now, and you deserve to know.”

Jensen shoves past him and heads to the sinks, splashing water on his face in an attempt to wake himself from this nightmare. “I don’t need to hear your bullshit excuses. Cougar was my – "

“Boyfriend. Yeah, I figured that out not too long ago.”

Jensen spins around quickly and throws a punch, but Clay catches it, turns him, and shoves him against the wall, hand pinning his neck.

“Jake, listen, I’m sorry you had to go so long like this. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you, but – "

“But I’m alive, _mi vida_ ,” Cougar’s voice comes from the door, and Clay releases Jensen.

Jensen blinks a few times, stunned into silence at the presence of Cougar standing not even ten feet from him. The sniper shrugs and smiles, offering his arms up for a hug, and Jensen rushes in to squeeze him in a tight embrace

Jensen could kick himself right now for crying as hard as he is, but he’s always been on the sensitive side, even as a soldier. Feeling Cougar’s hair brush against his cheek, those strong arms holding him so safely now, Jensen doesn’t care if his entire infantry sees this.

“Cougar had to disappear for intel. We had to make it look realistic, but we never lost him, not for a second,” Clay says quietly, shifting his weight uncomfortably to his other leg. He never really thought it’d be this hard to see someone break right in front of him, but he realizes that this isn’t just anyone: this is Jensen, the young man who only grew stronger over the years he had been working with him. His strength was unshakeable; he adapted to any environment you put him in like a pro. He could handle anything you threw at him…

 _Except killing someone he loves, apparently,_ Clay thinks bitterly to himself. He blushes and turns away when Cougar begins kissing Jensen all over his face, stroking his hair soothingly and whispering in Spanish.

“Don’t you ever keep something like that from me again, Carlos!” Jensen hisses, punching Cougar in the arm. Cougar winces, and rubs his arm.

“Hey, at least I came back in one piece.”

“I know, and I’m gonna tear you to pieces as soon as we get home,” Jensen grumbles before diving in for a real kiss, biting Cougar’s lip and exhaling softly through his nose.

Clay rolls his eyes and walks past them to leave. Before he can get out the door, Jensen grabs his arm and gives him a meaningful stare. “I’m sorry, Clay.”

“It’s okay,” Clay nods. “No one could blame you.”

Jensen nods, smiling, before remembering the man clinging to his neck. “We’ll see everyone later?”

“Roger that. Don’t destroy this bathroom, you two,” Clay jokes before leaving.

Alone now, Cougar reaches up and pecks Jensen on the chin. “Did you introduce yourself to my family?”

Jensen shakes his head. “It didn’t seem appropriate. ‘Hi, I’ve been fucking your son/brother/cousin/nephew/grandson in the butt.’ I don’t know if they’re homophobic or not, Cougar.”

“They’re not. When my cousin Miguel came out, they kind of yelled at each other for a year before getting over it. I want you to meet them.”

Jensen’s face pales. “Your grandma gave me the stink eye.”

“¿Por que?”

“I sorta walked out before everyone else.”

“Why?”

Jensen’s face falls, and he can’t bring himself to meet Cougar’s eyes.

“Jake,” Cougar says quietly, cupping Jensen’s face.

“Why is everyone calling me that today?”

“You called me Carlos.”

“That was different.”

“Why did you leave?”

“Because I didn’t want everyone to see me crying.” Jensen’s face reddens, and he hangs his head shamefully. “I didn’t want everyone to know…”

“It’s pretty obvious now, don’t you think?”

Jensen laughs, even as the tears return. “Yeah, I didn’t really think it through.”

Cougar runs a thumb over his cheek and brings Jensen’s face down to kiss him. “I’ll be waiting for you when you’re done here. Don’t tell my family; I should have that privilege.”

Jensen nods and confirms his promise with a kiss.

It’s quiet now; the universe is standing still, and there’s nothing he can say or do now. His world has been righted, all balance restored, all sins atoned for.

Losing Cougar for two months is easily the worst thing that Jensen can think of that has happened to him, but it doesn’t matter now.

They’re soldiers, and this is just another day at work.


End file.
